All I knew to do was pray. So I did! I prayed a selfish prayer day after day. I asked the Lord to end the suffering, and to just take Dad. I told the Lord I knew Dad wasn’t saved, but rather than pray for his salvation, I told the Lord that I was ok with Dad’s eternity in hell. It was then that I realized something. No matter how much hurt I had been through in my life. No matter how many bricks were walling me off from a fruitful life. None of that mattered if I was willing to give up on Dad’s salvation. None of that mattered if I was praying for God to do my will, not his.
Conviction overtook my soul, and I changed my prayer. I began praying for God to perform a miracle. No strings attached. I no longer interjected my desired outcome into my prayer, but prayed for God’s will to be done. I prayed simply for a miracle. I prayed for God to forgive me for being selfish, and sinful. I prayed for God to change Dad’s heart. I prayed for his salvation. I prayed for emotional healing. I prayed without ceasing. And then…just a few short weeks later, God performed a miracle. A miracle that would not only change all of our lives, but also cause those bricks at my very foundation to crumble.
Dad’s muscles were continuing to weaken, and he was unable to walk without substantial difficulty any longer. One day, he asked Momma to take him to the hospital. So, she did. When she called to tell me Dad was being admitted due to the muscle weakness, something told me that this was the very miracle for which I had prayed. My husband quickly agreed. This just might be the start of a miracle. We decided that I would book a flight to head up to help Momma with all that Dad being hospitalized involved. I knew Mom would need emotional support, and I knew that things could change in an instant. I also knew what kind of attitude from Dad we might have to contend with.
I headed up to Chicago, not knowing if he could or ever would come home from that hospital. I wondered how hateful he might be when I arrived. I knew the drill. I was used to it after all of these year. I headed up, completely on faith. Trusting that God would provided all that I needed. I got on that plane, and the most incredible peace washed over my spirit. Something in my foundation began to shake. Those bricks of hurt, and bitterness were beginning to crumble. My wall was going to shake soon, I just didn’t know it yet.
God’s peace and calm carried me through to the hospital. It was amazing. The rental car facility was crazy busy, and I had to wait in line. Now, I know that patience is one of the fruits of the spirit, but not my spirit! I don’t do waiting very well. This day, that changed. I found myself in line with a smile on my face. I waited patiently, calmly, and without anxiousness in my soul. Something was happening in my life.
Chicago traffic was amazingly clear as I drove to the northern suburbs. That never happens! So, there I was, a smile on my face, peace in my soul, and traffic had parted like the Red Sea. Something strange was happening in my life. I drove along thinking about how God never promised that the cross I was given to bear would not be heavy. He did however promise that he would carry me through. I had been praying for a Mount Sinai moment. A God’s mountain moment. A burning bush moment. It was then that I could see God was speaking. He spoke to my heart and told me not to fear. He told me that like he told the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1:6-7, I had …”camped long enough at this mountain. Turn and set your journey and go…” I had waited long enough at the base of the mountain. I had prayed for a miracle, and now he wanted me to take a journey.
That journey would change my life. That journey was going to cause those bricks to crumble.