Shaken to the core. Earth shaking experiences happen to all of us. Loss of a loved one, loss of a hope or a dream, changes in circumstances, and even forgiveness experiences can shake us. Forgiveness can be core shaking? Absolutely. Have you ever walked away from an experience thankful that it happened, yet wondering if your legs ar going to collapse under you. What about incredibly blessed, and yet shaking all over inside? Yes, even the good can be a core shaking experience.
As I prepared to write part 3 to this series, I felt the Lord urging me to share the experiences that led me to write this series. It wasn’t a normal experience that led me to visit Philippians 4. No, I had faced a series of experiences recently. I have been sharing with you along the way about them, but I just feel the need to go deeper. Why? God told me that one of you reading this will benefit from it…so I write.
I recently had a total hysterectomy at the age of 43. No, I’m not crazy young, but definitely not “old as dirt” as my 15 year old son continually jokes. I’d had challenges all of my life with female issues. Battles with infertility, the loss of a baby, more infertility, and then…after doctors told me I would likely never have children, Jefferson arrived to change our lives forever. Yes, I believe the Lord heard my cries and He sent us a miracle. As I’ve watched that sweet kiddo grow and mature, I’ve watched the Lord use him in mighty ways. That sweet baby boy was used to save my husband and myself. From what? From eternity in hell. That boy led my husband to Christ, and helped me see that I had strayed away. Because of that boy when he was just 7 years old, listening to God’s call to share His love, my family will spend eternity together in the presence of our Lord! I get teary just thinking about it. Life changing!
Ok, so back to my surgery. I had issues all of my life, but the time had finally come to remove the issues. There was concern of possible uterine cancer. I also had fibroids that were growing and making things even more uncomfortable. So, I embraced the though of surgery. Many times I became uneasy about the surgery, and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I would stop and pray, “Dear Father God, if this surgery is not in your will, please show me.” As we started to get closer to the surgery everything started to fall into place, and the worry started to leave me. This was truly the beginning of Philippians 4…specifically verse 6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” God gave me that verse to hold unto through the surgery.
I watch Philippians 4:6 come to life as I put aside my anxiety through prayer and petition. I actually went into the operating room feeling peace! Amen dear Sister! We truly do find peace in the Lord. I also petitioned our Father. Look back at that verse y’all. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition…” I did exactly that. Dear sister, when you are afraid or just unsure of something, rather than exhausting yourself with the process of worry, go to the Lord with it. I know it’s easier said than done. I think the Enemy likes to mess with our heads and play tricks with our minds. Oh, but dear Sister, when you focus on giving your worries to God, the peace that comes from Him alone is overwhelming.
Overwhelming peace…it didn’t come immediately for me, so don’t assume if you don’t feel it the moment you ask for it you should stop. Remember, God does things on His schedule, not ours. Petition often has to occur repeatedly. Just because you ask for something, doesn’t mean it is provided immediately. Oh but y’all, God will provide it, and when He does, your life will change forever. That anxiety, you know the tight muscles and headaches…sometimes even tummy issues that come from anxiety…they are suddenly gone. Peace will overtake your spirit, and while you may be uncomfortable with the thought of something like having your insides removed, you will have no worries of the outcome.
Once I woke from my anesthesia induced slumber, I was told that my surgery was difficult. I essentially had two surgeries in one due to overwhelming scar tissue. We talked about that in the “Going Deeper….Scars” post. What I didn’t share was the peace that came even after hearing all that my body had to endure. God was with me, He had been with the surgeon, and He is with me during recovery, and that peace is overwhelming. There are days I get frustrated, and feel like I should be doing more than just healing. It’s those times that God reminds me to trust him. It’s then that I go back to Him through prayer and petition, and He calms the storms that my mind creates.
God calmed the storms of anxiety just a few short months ago. Once again, I was shaken to the core as I was faced with forgiving my step-father for the 40 years of emotional abuse he had heaped onto my mother and me. Dad was ill, weak, vulnerable, and needed care. Do you know difficult it is to be loving to someone who has hurt your terribly? I wanted to walk away. I wanted him to feel the hurt he had poured upon me for so many years. Yet, once I prayed to the Lord…came to him by prayer and petition, He changed my life. He put care, compassion, forgiveness in my heart that I otherwise would never have experienced. I would have carried around that anger, and soul retching bitterness forever if I hadn’t sought the Lord. He took away the worry…anxiety, and provided peace that transcends all.
Dear Sister, are you struggling with worry, anger, or bitterness? Has you soul been shaken to the core and you just don’t know how to take one more step? Pray to the Lord. Ask him to take those feelings away, and to replace them with peace. Petition Him by praying without ceasing, and dear Sister…He will.