Some days it feels like I’m sitting in the dark. Like the world around me is moving more slowly than usual. I feel the impact of every bump and bruise more significantly than on other days. Even when it’s bright outside, the shadows find their place casting darkness upon me. I think we all have days where things aren’t going as smoothly as we’d like. For some for us, those days turn into season of life. Seasons of darkness.
It seems lately that everywhere I go, I hear from a friend stories of disease overtaking their lives. It may be a family member or a friend, but disease overtakes the patient as well as the family. That word makes my heart ache. Illness seems to take on a life of its own. Evil darkness creeping to and fro within a loved one’s body. Destroying…consuming what was once a vibrant person. I remember watching my mother-in-law as the darkness of cancer overtook her body. A light that was so brightly shone in her eye soon was replaced by darkness. We ached as we witnessed her consumption. In a few short months, any glimpse of light was gone.
I look back wishing that I had been walking with the Lord during that time. I was in a stage where I had strayed from His side. While I had chosen to follow a different path, He never left my side. I just didn’t know it, or maybe I chose not to acknowledge. I didn’t pray and put my heart in God’s mighty hands. Rather, I allowed myself to be overtaken by fear, grief and darkness. I remember releasing gut wrenching sobs over her loss. I felt empty, like a shell of existence. She wasn’t my mother, but she was my Love’s. I dreamed of her making my wedding dress one day, rocking our babies, and teaching me to bake. The enemy overtook her too soon, and those dreams were gone. If only I had called to the Lord, I know now that He would have heard me.
“They cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6 assures me that the Lord hears our cries. Dear One, even in the darkest of places, He hears me…He hears you. We must simply cry out to Him. What captured my attention even more in this chapter is how many times God tells me that He hears my cries. He repeats this message 4 times in 43 short verses. Each time declaring that He will deliver me. Dear Sister, He will deliver you!
As I continued my study time tonight, verse 29 overtook my soul. I can still hear that verse resonating in my mind. “He calms the storm so that its waves are still.” Chronic illness, and now a need for another major surgery are my darkness right now. It’s not that awful all-consuming disease so many are facing, yet it’s still a difficult time for me. We all face those days. Sometimes it’s for a season. It doesn’t have to be life shattering it can just be quicksand and broken glass. Anything that forces us into the shadows. I long for the light of days when there was no pain, when strength was not a commodity which had to be managed with such frugality. For the days when my heart doesn’t ache for the friends who are facing the cancer consumption. For the days when hope prevails over the darkness. Oh, but the waves have been rocking me today…to and fro, high and low…crashing upon my life’s shore. Here I am holding on for dear life.
It is then that God speaks to me. “Child, I hear your cries, and I will deliver you. Call to me, and I will calm your storm.” Why I continue to try to trudge this path in my own power is beyond me. God hears my cries. He hears me when I am troubled, and He will deliver me from the darkness. Tonight I’m learning to pray for the Lord to calm the storms, and make those waves still. Oh, and if He choses not to at this time…I know He has something greater for me. How do I know, because He promises He will deliver me. He will deliver you too, all you have to do is ask.
Psalm 107:1 “Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good! His mercy endures forever.”