Sometimes I think I’m blind. Not necessarily blind in a sense of not being able to see my surroundings, but spiritually blind. You know, blind to all of the work that is being done around me. Blind to the beautiful tapestry of life God is lovingly weaving around me.
This past week has been one of the most difficult in my life, and yet one of the most beautiful. Difficult in having to sit at the hospital with my Dad as his physical health is failing. Difficult in making long term care decisions for him, supporting my Mom emotionally, and in taking on the roll of parent for my own parents. In difficult times, I think I sometimes become blind to all that God is doing around me. I get wrapped up in running on adrenaline, and start to close my eyes to running on God. I’ve tried so much this week to lean on my Abba Daddy, as I’ve cared for my earthly father. Abba has shown me awesome, mighty, beautiful things! He has woven an amazing tapestry around me for warmth and protection. He has shown himself as a beautiful conductor of a mighty orchestra.
Hospitals and nursing homes are made an incredible number of moving parts. The orchestra itself is that assortment of parts. Each instrument must be played by its musician. Nurses checking meds, vitals, doctors orders, and an assortment of patient needs. Assistants helping patients toilet, bathe, eat, dress, and caring for the families. Doctors meeting with nursing staff, patient and families trying to piece together a puzzle of symptoms. Then there is the conductor. He is the one in control. The one who knows the music inside and out, knowing the part of each musician with his/her instrument. The conductor sees the big picture, and he has a plan for the end result…a beautiful symphony. That’s our God! Planner, orchestrator, conductor, director, and provider of grace and mercy.
Grace and mercy is poured out when we make mistakes playing the correct notes, when we fail to include the proper musician with the desired instrument, and when we try to play solo. Yet, we are allowed to try our part again. That’s grace and mercy.
If we become too focused on perfecting our part, we can easily become blind to the conductor. We can become blind to all God is doing right before our eyes. If we will trust him, and follow his direction, the symphony will be beautiful. Exodus 34:10b says, “and all the people among whom you are shall see the work of the Lord. For it is an awesome thing that I will do with you.”
When I stopped worrying about my part, and took time to look at what God was doing, I truly saw awesomeness revealed. God orchestrated Mom or me always being with Dad when a doctor came into the room. A nurse was always handy when he had a need. We knew that Dad would absolutely refuse a nursing home, and yet he willingly, chose to visit one for rehab on his own. We expected a waiting list for a bed since that always happens with the facility he chose. However, there was no wait for us, a bed was available. God provided Dad a roommate with the same sport interests as Dad, and even loyalty to the same teams. Our Mighty Conductor directed every last instrument.
We don’t know yet what the future holds for Dad. Will he be able to gain strength through rehab to learn to walk again? Or will he remain in the nursing home? We don’t know, but I’m not closing my eyes. I know that God knows. I also know whatever work he does will be awesome, simply because he tells me it will be.