It was one of those days when I awakened agitated. Just angry, frustrated and out of sorts. Does that ever happen to you? I was feeling defeated before my feet ever touched the floor. Cranky, agitated, frustrated, and defeated. Why can’t I just roll over and go back to sleep. I really have no desire to see this day.
Then, it struck me…I haven’t been in God’s Word. You see, for several days I’ve been in overwhelming pain. I usually have a very high tolerance for pain since I’m a fibromyalgia and rheumatoid warrior. Oh, but this pain was something else. I couldn’t even more my arm. I was turned into a crying pile of myself in an instant. What on earth was going on?
After a visit to my primary care doctor, and a visit to our local orthopedic walk in clinic, it was determined that I most likely have a degenerated disk in my neck. Possibly two. One or both are probably pressing on my nerve bundle causing this crazy pain. I’ve stayed out of God’s Word because I haven’t been able to concentrate to read, let alone journal in worship as I normally do. I’ve been in prayer a great deal, but to be honest, it has been whiny, me centered prayer. I was being distracted by the enemy. That reality washed over me like a wave overtaking the sands of the beach. I was being beaten down with pain, and the enemy was taking hold of my weakness.
Immediately I decided I would not let him win! No. Not today satan! Not today! The pain that I an enduring can in no way relate to the pain Christ endured on the cross. Y’all, I jumped out of my bed…well, waddled out of bed. But it felt like I was jumping over a huge hurdle. I was jumping over that pit the enemy had placed below my feet as he expectantly waited for his prey to fall. Then, it happened. I started praying, singing praises, and talking to God. Not telling Him what I needed. Rather, I was celebrating what I still have. Anger, frustration and defeat were replaced with joy in the Lord. Then, the Lord led me to Psalm 73: 23-28
“Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
24 You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish;
You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
28 But it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,
That I may declare all Your works.”
At that moment, I claimed these truths. The Lord is always with me. Today, I’m thankful He holds me by my right hand, since the left isn’t working to well. Oh, and I’m thankful that this pain and weakness has taken over my left hand…because I’m right handed. Lord, please guide me, and I will give you all of the glory. You are beside me even when my flesh and my heart fail. You are my strength forever. Draw me close to you Lord, and I will announce all of Your works Father. Lord, please show up big!
Dear Sister, do you need to conquer the enemy? Why not claim the Lord as your rock and your strength? While our flesh my fail, God is our strength forever!
Yes, I’m still in pain. Yes, I’m still frustrated as I await an appointment with a neurosurgeon. What I’m not…alone! God goes before me, behind me, and walks beside me. He will do the same for you!
P.S. The enemy isn’t stopping me from my artful worship with the Lord either! It’s not about my perfection, it’s about HIS!